And Now For Something Completely Different

Well hello there, new grey hair!  Look at you- got a spot right in front, so you don’t get overlooked amongst all the brown ones in the cheap seats, right?  All shiny and silver- just like a sliver of tinsel thrown in my hair in time for the holidays. How festive.

So now that you’re here every morning when I quickly run my hairdryer around my head, I guess we should decide what kind of relationship we are going to have.  Friendly?  Snarky?  Bitter?  So many choices.

Scenario 1: Snarky

  1.  You: Good morning, sleepy head.  Hard to believe you’re only another day older than you were last time we met.
  2.  You: Remember- you are definitely on the downside of your curve, and the view is not going to get any better.
  3.  You: Wow- pushing 51 and you still don’t make a reliable pie crust.
  4.  You: Good news- I just heard from a bunch of my friends and they are on their way!
  5. You: Take a good look at me and remember that expensive needlepoint stocking canvas (you know, the one you bought to make for your baby girl who is now 17?) sitting naked in  your closet and feel very ashamed.

Scenario 2: Encouraging

  1. You: Good morning, sleepy head!  You may not be thrilled with the way you look today, but in ten years you will think you looked freaking amazing.  Now get out there and flaunt it.
  2. You: I am your reward for living half a century, raising three kids and two dogs, and never poisoning any of them in the process.
  3. You: Congratulations for  still being around to see me and my friends move in here.  We would hate hated it if you had left before we got here.  A lot of people do, you know.
  4. You: I am here to remind you that it won’t be all that long before people start offering you their seat on the bus.  No more standing in the aisles!
  5. You: Grey may not be the new blonde, but you were never blonde, and you did pretty well, all things considered.  I’m pretty sure you can rock the grey just fine.

So, my new grey hair , I think we should be friends.  I won’t pluck you or put harsh chemicals on you as long as you promise to keep our conversations positive in the mornings.  Deal?  Good.  Because I have been around the block enough to know that you and your friends are the easiest part of getting old.  So move on in.  Make yourselves at home.  I hope we will be friends for a good, long time.

(Anyone else have conversations with their hair?  Anyone??)


Filed under humor, Uncategorized

7 responses to “And Now For Something Completely Different

  1. Nah, can’t handle he banter that early in the morning. I tie it up while still on the matress to ensure peaceful teeth brushing. And every three months I take it to see Martine who dresses it in lovely plant based dyes to assauge any potential inferiority complexes among the strands!

  2. Julie Little

    I just go see Gina every couple of months. She helps out with any hair issues I may have. You would love her.

  3. Dolly Hall

    Kate, yesterday at the granddaughters’ Nutcracker performance, I got stuck behind an assisted living group and could not move. One of the blue flames turned around and said, “Are you one of us?” I replied, “Not yet. Maybe next year.” And I don’t even have gray hair!

  4. Maman

    Don’t worry, my love. I have one too!

Hollah back y'all!

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